Welcome To The Party
Updated: Jan 4
Before writing this post, I asked myself, "If I write a pity party post, how can I make this informative without causing my readers to downward spiral into their own pity party?"
I think I've got it, BUT if you're feeling extra vulnerable, emotional right now, please do not continue. Speaking from my own experience, the more emotional I am (irritable, teary, stressed, tired, etc.) the easier it is to focus on the negative and that is NOT what I'm going to do today.
Welcome to my pity party.
It's been about a month, maybe a little over, that I've worked from home. I've cooked way more lunches than I've done since high school. I've gone maybe 3 times to the grocery store, 2 times to the gas station, and 1 time to the pharmacy. I have safely seen my parents, my boyfriend and video chatted with my girlfriends, but let me just say-- I am freaking sick and tired of homecooked meals AND eating out. I sick and tired of not seeing strangers at Target or the mall. I'm sick and tired of my hair, nails and feet. I'm sick and tired of the words: Trump, COVID-19, pandemic, stress, essential, and probably a lot more.
I felt myself falling into a funk yesterday where all of the above started swirling around in my brain. This 'funk'... Or as I like to call it my 'pity party' (which might be a little harsh, idk)... I know the feeling all too well.
I used to have them often in high school. When family life was tough and I wouldn't talk about what was going on or how I was feeling, I felt alone, tired, stressed, my fight or flight mode was always on, and I didn't think I could trust anyone with how I was feeling. Not everyone knows what it's like to have a parent with dependency issues.
That's what makes this current global situation different.
We are all going through this shit. There is not one person who is not affected. I feel pretty confident that what I listed above, you have felt, too, in some way or another.
So when I felt the funk arise late yesterday afternoon, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to share my feelings with someone and keep moving (AKA throw a short pity party when you're sharing your feelings and then leave the party). Don't overstay your welcome at the party. Speaking from experience, you can fall deeper into the depression hole the longer you stay. What I ended up doing yesterday was talking to my mom-- told her I was sick and tired of cooking and eating out etc, then later I decided to go over to my parents and pick up Sophie for the night. (Seriously, dogs make you feel so much better.) I know what makes me feel happy on the inside and since this pandemic started I have made it a point to focus on just those things... which seems to be working so far.
What I suggest for you, is... First, write a list of activities that makes you happy. These activities make you feel warm and fuzzy, less stressed, calm. Put that list in a room (or multiple) you will see it often. I keep mine on the coffee table in the living room.
Second, use this time to build your confidence in talking about your feelings to someone you are comfortable with and trust. S/he is also going through a pandemic so I think it'll be easier to talk out your feelings now and then when this shit storm is over, talking it out can possibly be a healthy habit you developed over time.
Third, remember to keep moving. You can throw a pity party but don't overstay your welcome. A wise woman named Nita Sweeney once said on the podcast, "Actually, You Are A Real Runner": "Depression hates a moving target." And I have found that in this pandemic it is 100% true.
You can listen to the full episode on Actually, You Are A Real Runner podcast here
I hope this post helps you realize that what you're feeling is normal. You're not alone. It's okay to throw a pity party once in a blue moon, too.