It's been a minute since my last blog post.
At the beginning of the year, I set out to post a blog every Friday. For a couple months I was consistent. I may missed a Friday but posted that weekend. And then COVID hit.
The blogging fell by the wayside as the world became more questionable day after day. I zeroed in on my daily routine.
Wake up, journal, go for a walk, shower, make breakfast, go to the office which later turned into working from home, go for a walk on my lunch break, finish work, workout, cook dinner.
By then, I was so exhausted I couldn't write a blog for you. For that I am sorry.
With the uncertainty of the world, I recognized that I was beginning to kind of obsess over my routine where it became hard for me to be flexible.
This is something I have struggled with on and off throughout my life so I knew blogging had to come off the list for now. I needed to focus on my mental health and work towards acceptance of flexibility.
What does this mean?
Well, that routine I wrote out above... it's not the same every day anymore. Some days it is, but some days I don't get a walk in, some days I get out of the house, put my mask on and buy breakfast and coffee.
I'm learning to build a more fluid lifestyle that benefits my mental health. So far, it's been nice.
Which is why my first blog 'back' is about Awareness.
I never thought I'd be interested in let alone practice 'awareness' or 'being present in the moment'.
But something that may seem really simple, can be difficult for someone living with anxiety or even someone with an all or nothing mindset.
I remember being at a job and thinking "All these thoughts in my head swirling around can't be normal." That's when I decided to seek therapy. That's when I learned about becoming aware and curious of the ruminating thoughts in my head... when to listen and when to realize those thoughts are not fucking helpful (which I feel like 80% are not!).
It takes time, practice, a shit ton of patience or acceptance... and flexibility.
If there is one thing I want to leave with you today, it's this:
Next time you start planning out a conversation you need to have with your boss, significant other, friend and you start to plan their responses to your questions. Say out loud in a calm voice, "[Your Name] this is not helpful planning their responses. I need to have the conversation with X and not myself." Then write down your questions or what it is YOU want to talk about and move on. You cannot predict the future.
Doing this time and again will begin to heighten your awareness.
Until next time!
Amanda