A New Affirmation
When you've lived with anxiety and the need to be "perfect" for years (~20 years), it takes patience and time to reprogram your brain to accept your imperfections. It's not easy.
There are days you can be yourself and laugh and be present in the moment. Sometimes those days stretch over period of time longer than you might be used to. It feels foreign and maybe a little uncomfortable but you learn to be grateful for those good days.
Then there are days you're frustrated and wish you were "normal" and weren't so emotional and anxious. You try to keep it together, work through it by yourself, until you can't anymore. And the way you breakdown might be different from how I breakdown. My patience wears thin and I get frustrated more easily. I cry.
This past week I could feel my cup filling up. I had a lot to do that I felt couldn't be ignored so I knew I had to adjust my routine. My workouts weren't as intense as I wanted them to be but I made sure I got outside. I began to incorporate 5 minutes of meditation in the mornings. I gave myself permission to skip writing a blog post because the added pressure would have added to the anxiety I was feeling.
All this still wasn't enough. I had a 2 day period of crying bouts. It didn't matter what I was doing or where I was at. (Thankfully I was at home, but there have been times I would cry for "no reason" in the car or grocery store or even work!)
I remember this point during 30 minutes of yoga. I cried the whole time and trying to keep it together, too. Then it hit me.
I noticed the cycle. I cry when I'm overwhelmed and stuck in future thinking mode and can't seem to snap back to present. It gets worse when I realize that I've been doing so well with managing my mood and anxiety that when I have a 'bad day' I get frustrated. My inner dialogue changes from positivity to future thinking and berating myself for not being able to keep it together.
That's the moment I changed an affirmation I've been writing daily for the past 3 ish months.
"I love my body unconditionally." changed to "I love my body + mind unconditionally."
After this realization, the following morning my chest felt lighter, my mood seemed to be lifted. I felt like myself again.
I do want to note that it has taken me years to be able to turn my mood around this quickly and I imagine there will be times that it doesn't happen as easily as this. I want to think that this new affirmation, though, will teach me to be less judgmental towards myself whenever my forward thinking and overwhelm begins to resurface.
If you are experiencing frustration, mood swings, high emotions, remind yourself that it's okay to have these feelings. You are definitely not alone. Take a moment for yourself. Go outside even if you don't feel like moving. It's okay to reach out to your therapist or begin looking for one, if you don't currently see one.
If there is one thing I want you to take away from this post, it's this: You and I both will have good days and bad days. They might not be at the same time. We might experience different types of emotions like crying vs. anger. But there's one thing we both could work on....
Loving our body + mind unconditionally.
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