It's That "All Or Nothing" Mindset
Read that title one more time... It's that "All or nothing" mindset.
I have that and I practice every. single. day. to accept that there IS in fact a gray area in life. (Okay, maybe not every single day because there are times when I don't practice but I'm human and I'm learning to accept that perfection is stupid)
That all or nothing mindset that I have comes and goes with everything in my day to day life... Food. Work. Working out. Socializing. Self-care. MONEY. It makes me go from one extreme to the other. For example, I either eat super duper clean food and deprive myself of desserts and carbs (which I did at one point in my life) OR I freaking binge all day on cookies, chips, ham sandwiches, yogurts, ice cream, expensive lattes and feel like absolute shit. And the time frame on these extremes could last from a few days, maybe a few months, or even years. Yes, I used to live on this extreme pendulum towards food and trying to lose weight and be 'healthy' for years. Little did I know that this way of thinking was also affecting other areas of my life...
One of those areas... FINANCES
I'm 32 years old and I'm freaking FINALLYYYYYY getting the hang of not moving money from my savings to my checking every. single. month. (it used to be fucking weekly) to pay for bills.
I'm not 100% how I got to this point in my life not fully understanding this 'money balance' thing but I'm glad I'm more aware, desperate at times yes, but I finally see what I was doing... Any time I had some extra cash I would move ALL my extra money towards ALL of my debts in the same time period (all or nothing mindset). Doing this ended up stressing me out at different times during the next couple of months because I'd be moving money from savings to checking. I would only see this number steadily decrease. I never paid attention to my other financial accounts like retirement or investments. Because of this I'd feel like I have NO money. Like ZERO $$$.
What would happen next?
I'd be a ball of stress, cut out fun times with friends, self-care days like a mani/pedi, haircuts, feel like crap AND stressed and finally all this would snowball into every day life-- work stress, family stress and I had no idea why.
All or nothing.
So what have I done to get to this point?
1. Well, my therapist actually helped me realize what I was doing. She's not a financial advisor but because money was a HUGE ASS STRESSOR in my life at one point, we needed to tackle it. I've been working on it since August 2019.
2. Every 2 weeks, I'll compile a report of expenses through Mint and make sure I'm staying on track with bills and not having to transfer money from savings to checking. Mid month I also create a quick monthly calendar so I have a visual of what bills are due the following month and how much. (I learned that tracking/seeing your expenses can help you figure out where everything is going and how you can manage money easier from The Budget Mom! LOVE HER!)
3. I found that positive affirmations about money is really helpful for me. I have incorporated the "I am" statement into my 3-2-1 daily journaling.
Two of my FAVORITES include: "I am financially abundant." and "Money flows freely and easily to me."
4. I continue to check my bank accounts frequently. If I see that the numbers have decreased over night (hello pay day and bills!), I pause and ask myself what's going on here? Is this correct? If so, it's okay, I am financially abundant. And I remind myself almost daily that IF I ever need money, I have other accounts, like retirement or investments, to fall back on.
I know it might sound ridiculous but money was a stressor for me. It still is but it's not controlling my life as much as it once did. I'm still trying to figure this shit out but I'm also remembering that self-care, like a hair cut, is also acceptable.